Sunday, January 31, 2016

News in Brief: Clinton Ominously Tells Iowan Supporters To Mark Front Doors With Campaign Logo Before Sundown

<p>DES MOINES, IAâ€"Declaring that
all voting-age citizens who took the measures
would be spared, Hillary Clinton ominously
instructed her supporters throughout Iowa to mark
their front doors with her campaign logo before
sundown, sources confirmed Sunday. “All those
residing in Iowa take heed: Your home shall bear
the mark of my campaign this eve, or may God help
you,” said the Democratic candidate after
dispatching a phalanx of campaign staffers to all
four corners of the state to spread the message of
her directive. “Be within your dwellings with
the doors closed and locked before nightfall, and
do not cross the threshold before the sun rises
again in the sky. The emblem of the red-and-blue H
will protect my true voters.” At press time,
Clinton issued a statement ordering all Iowan
supporters who remain on Monday morning to bring
forth their progeny between 18 and 34 years of age

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