I had a dream last night of talking to my boss from my first full time job. In the dream I was telling her about my current job, and how much I missed interacting with those from my first job. How much I valued that time and wish I had recognized as the valuable experience while I was 'in it' then, the way I see it today.
I think GOD has a purpose for me currently, though I don't know what it is, and I know there are many people out there that move further away from 'GOD' in anything more then a myth or legend. In the end though it's doesn't matter what you call it, 'GOD' or 'NATURE', or 'INNER SELF', 'HIGHER SELF'
For some reason, I feel their is *something* important I am supposed to do, but the road isn't always clear, and sometimes, I think EUREKA! - I found it, only to learn it is just "another" leaf to turn over. If live were a computer game, my EUREKA moments would be like a 'level-up', but the next level is so vastly different, I no longer recognize the path, and its like starting all over.
When I look back, there seems to be repeating pattern, a pattern where I am experiencing a similar event over and over, and I have yet to figure out fully how to 'PUSH' through it, or learn from it and move on. I have learned many ways that 'don't work', but I struggle to find the one that works.
I try to 'pretend' that I am immune to what others think of me, I really like the idea of building an inner belief in myself that transcends peoples outside thoughts of negativity and harm.
But I know this is not true, I am not immune, I feel hurt, I feel scared, I feel anxious and worry, not knowing what it is I'm 'supposed' to do next, wondering "Why I am here?, What is this all about?"
The more I learn and grow , the more I realize how much I really don't know.
