Dear Diary :-)
I feel like a whining little girl so I figured I may as well start my journal entry that way. First off my pants are fitting me, I've gained more wait and I'm having dreams about my kidney's failing due to my high blood sugars.
I just know I can get things in control if I can find the will power to get back on the wagon, but it's hard, I am feeling more and more depressed. I woke up yesterday and had to fight to keep the bad thoughts away, the thoughts that I am no good and no one loves me, the thoughts that my wife was going to leave me.
Not that I have any evidence of that, just surrounded by bad feelings, today doesn't seem as bad. The kids are up stairs now watching TV soon we will head off to take the younger one's to daycare, and my oldest to school
I have been getting the kids ready for school myself now since about August, it goes pretty well most days, though now that I am worried about my health I'm trying to find a way to squeeze more walks in again, but I'm not sure how I can do this. My wife leaves for work before 6am so unless I get up at 5am? The thought makes me shiver, going out in the middle of winter for a walk at 5am, but I will half to do what I have to do I guess?
Christmas was wonderful, perhaps the best Christmas in a long time, no arguing or fighting, the house all ready in time, and just the perfect amount of snow. We even got some winter time photos done, so I have no complaints there.
Why am I always so negative then? Why do I always focus on what is “wrong”. Our money situation isn't the greatest. But it isn't the worst either, yet I find myself focusing on the bad.
Back to work after the holidays has been particularly hard, I am getting tired quickly, low on motivation and not getting a heck of a lot done.. LOL so many things to worry about, so little time!
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