What to say when you don't know what to say

1) When someone is using words like ‘SHOULD’, ‘COULD’, ‘HAVE TO’

User Curious Tone (Really Try to listen to the persons reply and try to view his/her perspective / identify any BELIEFS he/she may have from the reply [note them later]

What makes you say that?

What makes you ask that?

I am curious! – What is your intention in saying that?

2) When you need to take time (get away and think about things, mull it over a bit, think of different perspective)

                        I’ll have to get back to you on that.

                        I need some time and think about it.

I feel a lot of strong emotions over what you just said, and I don’t want to react harshly, so I would like to take some time to think before I respond.

I’m not sure how to respond to that. Give me a minute if you would.

3) When problem solving / using dialog and suggesting different options. If an option strikes you with a particularly strong negative emotion / or something that conflicts with your values or beliefs

                    That’s not going to work for me (consider what belief / value it is conflicting with)

4) When someone says you that strikes you personally (eg: using words like “YOU ALWAYS”, “YOU THINK THAT…”, YOU NEVER”

            Ouch!

            That Hurts

            It’s okay for you to be angry/mad, but it’s not okay for you to be mean.

5) When you break a promise or misunderstood a commitment

           I know I agreed to do that, but I changed my mind – I’m very sorry.

 6) When someone has expressed the notion that may have hurt their feelings or they use ‘I feel                 statements’ (ie: I feel when you do this…”

            That really makes sense to me how you would eel that way.

Thank you for telling me your perspective on what happened. I really want to try and understand how you feel.

Thank you for telling me what you feel and need. I will, to the best of my ability, try never to say or do that again.

            I am so sorry that I hurt your feelings. That was truly not my intention.

            I understand that is how you feel, and this is how I feel…

7) When requesting something be changed (ie: wording something in a way that strikes you off balance)

        I have a request to make, if you can do it that’s great, and if you can’t that’s fine to, I just want to ask.

        When you say _____ it is very hurtful and I would appreciate it if you would try to stop.

8) When you are frustrated with a lot of “WHY questions. Why do you say that? Why do you think that, but Why Why Why !

I don’t necessarily need you to agree or understand what I am saying, but I would appreciate it if you would try to accept it.