Highs and Lows

Original Post - Nov 7, 2019

I started off today full of anxiety. The anxiety started the day before, in my workplace we had lost our network connection. I was giving a document review meeting, and I made the judgement call to postpone the meeting until two days later. My supervisor was away on vacation, and the decision I made would move a deliverable out by a couple of days.

Shortly after making the decision I found myself racked with worry. Not so much guilt about the decision I made, but worry about he consequences of having to explain my choice to my boss who I felt confident would not agree with my decision, who would disagree with my choice, possibly even chastise me for not making the choice he/she thought was best at the time.

I spent a lot of mental energy trying to manage these anxious feelings, trying to give myself comforting words. I did extra meditations and positive thinking sessions. In the end, my boss never even said a thing about it. Listened to a log of Zig Ziglar today as well.

Halfway through the morning, I started feeling a 'high', recognizing that my worry had not come to pass, feeling a little safe and at the same time proud of myself for making it through my judgement call without any emotional scars. I went for a small walk around the building listening to some upbeat music and was dancing and prancing all the way around.

This high lasted me most of the day, it increased even more when I spoke to the gentleman on the street who always offers a poem or a joke for a 'penny'. I never carry change, but he told me a few as freebies anyway. Later that evening I worked on documenting the technique for a workshop called "Name That Capability", something a few members in a social media group heard about and asked to learn more. I also put together a little surprise from my younger sister (who turned 40 Nov 6) for her birthday.

Well it's now about 1:50 in the morning, and that high has seemed to have ended, leaving me reflecting on the day, not feeling horrible about myself but not particularly 'good' either.  Thinking about theses 'highs' and 'lows'. Wondering if it is possible to learn to appreciate and enjoy BOTH the highs and the lows. To recognize them both as part of the total human experience, to not run away from the anxiety, the worry, but to accept it and let go?

Still don't have the answers...still trying to grow!