Today is Monday Sept 30, 1991

Note: The post below is a transcription of a handwritten journal entry from 28 years ago.


I think life is similar to a circle, it never ends, we continue the cycle of life and when we die a decision is made whether or not to continue in the cycle or continue the same cycle on a different level of existence. Sometimes I think I am just an observer, I look at live, examine it and based conclusions based on data being learned.

Authentic Me (Sept 25, 2019)

Today is Sept 25, 2018

It takes work to apply EROS, to listen to others, to try and understand others.

But this doesn’t appear to be work for everyone

Some appear to come by it easily, either without thinking but simply re-acting automatically

For me, I have to ‘hold’ my automatic reaction and replace it with a CHOICE.

If I am the programmer – then I make the CHOICES, but making the CHOICES requires a lot of EFFORT on my part,

So who is the real me? - Is it the me making conscious choices of how I want to live my life, or is somehow the automatic / negative me the ‘real’ me and the person making the conscious choices some ‘fake version of me’

One thing I am confident in – The parts of my personality that are funny, that are helpful, that CARE, these parts ARE THE REAL ME. When I write code or have a conversation with others, I ‘put’ stuff in their that is uniquely me, sort of my ‘personality signature’ and I know they are me because they feel natural, unscripted and in line with my heart.

The ‘problem’ is that in order for people to see the “real” me, I have to make conscious choices about how I re-act to others, and within each choice I have the opportunity to add the spices that are uniquely authentic me.

The person who looks at things negatively, the person who believes myself ‘better’ then someone else. Neither of these are truly me, but they are what may come off to others when I am not making conscious choices.

Also when I am choosing my life not only am I more effective at showing the real me, I am also more effective at gaining, reaching, becoming closer to my goals.

The work is tiring, and will likely always be tiring, choosing the live the life I want to live, is hard work.

And success requires hard work.

At the end of the day, when I view others as successful, I judge them (or admire them) by their seemingly automatic traits which get them things, but that doesn’t mean they see themselves as successful, or even see their traits as ‘automatic’ it’s just a perception I have.

When we change the way we look at things – the things we look at change!

Individual Quality - The EROS Equation

“E + R = OS”. (Event + Response = Outcome and Solutions) (i.e.: The EROS Equation).  The EROS equation is often used in the theory of interpersonal relationships.  The equation is applicable to negative outcomes of emotions such as frustration and anger (or lack of happiness).

Listen to the audio here: 
I am unsure as to who originally developed the EROS equation to give appropriate credit, so any comments on this would be helpful and can be submitted via the form at the end of this article.

EROS argues against the belief that ‘Events’ cause us to ‘React’ and that the reason for our ‘Reaction’ was ‘because of the ‘Event’.  While this cause-effect relationship is the cornerstone of all Science/Math. It does not apply to interpersonal relationships and communication.

“E + R = OS” tells us that Outcomes and Solutions are a 2 part process combining both the Event (E) and our response to the event (R). The equation suggests that our control as humans relies ONLY in our ability to choose our Responses (R). Events happened (Past), Outcomes will happen (future), but it is our Response (Present) to the event that we control.

I believe this is illustrated in the story given by Stephen Covey in his book ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ when he talks about the concept of a ‘paradigm shift’.  Covey describes an experience he has when commuting on a bus.  A father and some kids get on the bus. The kids are making quite a bit of noise and the father is doing nothing about it. (E)  Covey believes that the father should have more control over his kids (R) Others on the bus appear frustrated and annoyed by the noise (OS). Covey decides to ask the father if he can quiet his kids down. The man tells Covey that their mother just died and that the man hasn’t yet figured out how to tell the kids. Covey then makes his ‘paradigm’ shift. He then tries to comfort the father and help out the situation.  Covey essentially changed his ‘R’.  The event stayed the same (i.e.: The kids were noisy).  The outcome was still the same (The mother is dead / others on the bus are still frustrated by the noise).  But Covey changed himself his ‘R’ which was his focus of control in the situation. Further, we can see this embedded in Covey’s definition of “RESPONSE-ability” as the ability to choose our response (R) to a given situation.

If the MESSAGE SENT is not MESSAGE RECEIVED, the error is not ‘caused’ by the sender. It is likely caused by the automatic response assigned by the RECEIVER when interpreting the MESSAGE from the sender.  It is important to note that even if several Receivers exhibit the same automatic response, this does not validate an error in the message.  In fact most people will have the same automatic response to a given stimulus  - this is nature.  It is the ability to choose our response, however, which makes us human.

Those against this theory may argue that this is a ‘cop out’.  This means that people can say/do whatever he/she wants without regard for the thoughts/feelings of others.  This is not really the case. To demonstrate let us take a simple example of 2 people conversing where neither person has to ‘care’ about the feelings of others.

Lessons - Sept 15 2019

Do I 'Inject' my opinions into others?

This was suggested to me recently in my work life. That I 'inject' my opinions into others even when others don't want to hear it.

I don't see myself that way, but perhaps, their is some truth to it.  I can at least admit that I may have a tendency to 'prescribe' BEFORE diagnosing

There are 2 sides to every coin. Life contains multiple points of view, and their is not always a clear "one person is right" and the other is wrong. Though I fantasize sometimes that life could me more like that, like it is on TV.

Specifically, this seems to occur when I can more easily relate to one side of an issue then the other. When for example two people appear to be arguing, or when one person is complaining about another person. It is often easier for me to empathize with the person being complained about.

I have a strong belief that we get to choose our responses, that ultimately it is in that ultimate choice of free will that we can choose to live a life that matters. That all our pain, our suffering, and our anger come not from those around us, not from those that "hurt" us, but from how we choose to RESPOND to those events.

Now just because I believe it, doesn't mean I always 'follow it', but worse still, when others are having difficulties I may jump right in with "Well, the solution is EROS - of course!" Just change your responses.

The problem is this may work really well for some people. It will probably work for most people IF AND ONLY IF they first feel listened to, feel heard. That his/her feelings have been validated as real and meaningful.

Worse still jumping in time and time again repeating myself over and over like EROS is some kind of panacea disrespects the feelings of the person having the difficulty, and waters down the meaning of the message so bad, that it may as well be a joke.

Perhaps when this happens, the best response is to STOP using WORDS and switch to ACTIONS. ACTIONS of kindness, caring, compassion and service. ACTIONS which allow healing, and to set the expectation that this repair, the repair of relationships with ACTIONS make take a lot of hard work and a long time, and cannot be solved in 42 minutes like a dramatic TV show.

Feelings / Emotions / Beating myself up

Often I find that I feel bad about myself, I criticize myself, I replay words, phrases over and over in my mind until they make me want to scream or cry in frustration.

This morning, after countless years,  I believe I understood what is going on.

I am trying to get myself to cry, to feel the emotion, and it as a BAD habit, the most effective way I have found to ‘feel’ negative emotions is to beat myself up for it, to reply a single event over and over until I make myself cry.

The method works flawlessly -  but has the fatal flaw in my self-esteem and confidence.

Someone says something and walks away, and I “feel” hurt, but I don't ‘feel’ it enough to my emotional satisfaction, so I replay it, I try to force myself to be upset because I want to ‘get over it’.

And it triggers more stronger feelings, deeper feelings, that need to come out.

I hurt myself not by cutting or physical self-harm, but instead my emotional self-harm.

I think to myself  ‘everyone hates me’ not because I belief that reallly everyone hates me, but because the feeling hurts me, makes me sad, makes me cry

And I feel better after the cry, because I needed the cry, the relief that comes afterward.

Needing to cry, and crying are okay, crying is not the problem, it is the way I am hurting myself, in order to get to the cry.

I need to find a better way to truly cry, be angry, to ‘feel’ the emotion, without damaging my own self-esteem and belief in myself.

Emotions demand to be felt. If you don’t consciously allow the feeling, they will find a way to make themselves known.

This is why people can sometimes feel like ‘stepping’ on eggshells. I may over-react to a small thing because it’s not a ‘small thing’ but because of the build up, so much pain that is inside that needs out, I keep telling myself “it’s okay” when it’s not, redirecting my energy (which is good), but all of the negative emotion does not ‘get out’

The truth is, I am np different then a lot of people who do this, I can see other people do it, I can try to rationalize it to them, or perhaps even try to be compassionate towards it but I fail, not because I suck but because I don’t give that same compassion to myself, so how can I possibly give it in a meaningful way to others?

Way Back Then...

The way I remember it...

It was the fall of 1993, I had just started Grade 11, near the far end of the hallway of my highschool were 2 classes. 'Typing' and 'Computer Related Studies'.  It was the first year I would actually have 'computers' as a course in school, which I was pretty excited for. I only had an old Vic 20 at the time, but was hoping for a new IBM Clone 80386 for Christmas (I got my wish, it was from the Sears catalog and at the time was like close to $2000)

Read More...  https://blog.geekwisdom.org/2019/05/way-back-thenapple.html

Weekly Planning Roles & Goals

I have recently started weekly planning my roles & goals, as per suggestions from Steven Covey's 7Habits of Highly Effective People.

If you would like to try out my template you can find it here.

https://geekwisdom.org/tools/Weekly_Planning_Roles_And_Goals.dot

Pushing Buttons

Some people can really push my buttons !

Perhaps it’s someone whose opinions I really care about, that really matter to me. It seems that those who I don't give much of a thought to, do not seem to push any of my buttons

But they say ‘something’ which drives a deep anger / pissed off attitude, taking me from ‘blissed to pissed’

Perhaps, these people can be my greatest teachers??

YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT THAT

Respond to hate with love, caring and compassion.

When I AM NOT doing this, when  I AM plugged into the material, when I AM SO SURE I AM RIGHT and the other person is WRONG, I leave myself no room for healing.

When someone successfully pushes my buttons, it is not about them, it is about me, it is a reminder that I am connected not to my higher self but instead to the material.

The second important corollary, is this person who has just had his/her buttons pushed who is feeling pissed, is NOT connected to his/her source either, and just because I can recognize it, doesn’t mean that trying to help them is the way to go, specifically ..when they don’t WANT to be helped

Sharing at work...oversharing..when is it approperiate?

If you’re going through a period of stress in your personal life, should you bring it up at work? At what point should you tell your supervisor about a personal issue that might be affecting your job performance? Are there situations in which sharing details about your personal life at work might be seen as a bad idea?

Read More... https://lifehacker.com/when-to-share-personal-issues-at-work-1837981934

Manifesting your desires - Meditation

Inside my head are whirl of thoughts, or possibly more specifically, “thought-lets”

Small senses I receive either from my environment or from somebody, or somewhere.

They maybe based on a feeling, or they may drive into a feeling.

When I focus on the “thought-let” a fully formed thought is created.

Increased thinking of the thought forms a belief.

The belief affects how I go out into and interpret the world around me, re-enforcing that belief as “true” and “correct”

I then make the ASSUMPTION that those around me share in that belief, when they do I am VALIDATED. When they don’t I am upset and angry.

If GOD’S greatest gift to mankind is the concept of FREE WILL. If I can truly choose which of these ‘thought-lets’ I CHOOSE to focus on and wish I do not. I can choose to focus on those THOUGHT-LETS that are most likely to bring me the things I desire, and NOT simply the things I can’t stand, don’t want or HATE.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear...these words came into my life just prior to meeting the woman who is know my wife, gaining the life I wanted and being happy and fulfilled.

But when I feel I reached my ‘goal’ and I ask..where do I go from here? I get stuck

Where your ATTENTION GOES, ENERGY FLOWS, AND RESULTS SHOW.

If I focus my attention on what I don’t want, on what frustrates me.

If I focus my attention on what others are  “doing to me”, then all I can see, all of the ENERGY that exists is within that attention. Whether or not the person is “doing these things” in objective experience is irrelevant

Let us suppose it is my deepest desire to have a strong connection with my manager/supervisor. One where I can share my thoughts and feelings safely, one where empathy is abundant, one where we work together to solve problems.

But instead I focus on what does not work, how frustrated I feel, how no matter what I try nothing works, how I then conclude, it must NOT be me, it must be the ‘OTHER’, the ‘OTHER’ that is stopping me from gaining what I want.

My focus is no longer on attracting what I WANT, it is about thinking about what I don’t want, which forms beliefs and attitudes which flow entergy into what I don’t want therefore there is MORE OF IT to see, more to VALIDATE.

I could be 100% right, the entire ‘fault’ could be 'the others' persons inability to feel empathy, to move to the ‘spiritual’ enlightenment, but being “RIGHT” in this way does not provide me any happiness, only more validation of my ‘RIGHTNESS’

Setting GOALS is important for many reasons, but perhaps the MOST important is that requires a change of focus from what you DON’T WANT to MANIFEST into what you actually see manifesting.

If the ONLY thing I can control, is my thought’s, specifically WHICH of those THOUGHT-LETS I choose to focus my attention on

So How does Brad be the best Brad he can be?

Some people respond well to philosophical questioning… the examined life

Others may respond better to what they see

When others I care about are troubled, or seem troubled, giving them ‘advice’, or speaking in ways that allow them to ‘question’ maybe very uncomfortable for them, they feel ‘questioned’ and withdrawn

Hmm.. What about the idea of simply expressing my belief as a fact WITHOUT introducing questioning to their beliefs

What about hearing when they express their belief as a fact to ME, instead of focusing on the ‘anger’ of it all “HOW DARE YOU STATE YOUR OPINION AS A FACT”.

What if I simply stated my belief back, not in an angry, antagonizing or contemptuous way. Not in a way that tells them I understand..and then fill in my understanding, but simply as a positive belief about life.

Perhaps even better, is a belief in THEM, my belief in THEM.

Even if the whole ‘manifestng’ thing were complete bullshit. Which attitude is more likely to bring me closer to my desires? -  the one that is focused on the ‘wrongness’ of others and I must ‘help’ and ‘fix’ them. Or the one that is focused on the belief that we are all one, all part of the same whole, and that we provide caring and service, and kindness to those, and thus to ourselves.

Maybe this is what my Dad meant when he spoke of doing things for others being more important. Maybe is is not about doing things at the EXPENSE of ourselves, but at the level of recogition that giving CARING, AND KINDNESS breeds CARING AND KINDNESS back into our lives.

If I want EMPATHY, LOVE, SERVICE flowing into MY LIFE. I can’t possibly get their squeezing out contempt, ‘fix yourself attitude’

And those that send that contempt my way, that ‘fix yourself’ my way. I can CHOOSE to send caring and compassion back.

They cannot hear my words telling them to think differently to manifest their own happiness if as a student they are not yet ready. I cannot teach, but that is okay, I can still set my positive example out onto the world, spreading love and kindness in response.