Individual Quality - The EROS Equation

“E + R = OS”. (Event + Response = Outcome and Solutions) (i.e.: The EROS Equation).  The EROS equation is often used in the theory of interpersonal relationships.  The equation is applicable to negative outcomes of emotions such as frustration and anger (or lack of happiness).

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I am unsure as to who originally developed the EROS equation to give appropriate credit, so any comments on this would be helpful and can be submitted via the form at the end of this article.

EROS argues against the belief that ‘Events’ cause us to ‘React’ and that the reason for our ‘Reaction’ was ‘because of the ‘Event’.  While this cause-effect relationship is the cornerstone of all Science/Math. It does not apply to interpersonal relationships and communication.

“E + R = OS” tells us that Outcomes and Solutions are a 2 part process combining both the Event (E) and our response to the event (R). The equation suggests that our control as humans relies ONLY in our ability to choose our Responses (R). Events happened (Past), Outcomes will happen (future), but it is our Response (Present) to the event that we control.

I believe this is illustrated in the story given by Stephen Covey in his book ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ when he talks about the concept of a ‘paradigm shift’.  Covey describes an experience he has when commuting on a bus.  A father and some kids get on the bus. The kids are making quite a bit of noise and the father is doing nothing about it. (E)  Covey believes that the father should have more control over his kids (R) Others on the bus appear frustrated and annoyed by the noise (OS). Covey decides to ask the father if he can quiet his kids down. The man tells Covey that their mother just died and that the man hasn’t yet figured out how to tell the kids. Covey then makes his ‘paradigm’ shift. He then tries to comfort the father and help out the situation.  Covey essentially changed his ‘R’.  The event stayed the same (i.e.: The kids were noisy).  The outcome was still the same (The mother is dead / others on the bus are still frustrated by the noise).  But Covey changed himself his ‘R’ which was his focus of control in the situation. Further, we can see this embedded in Covey’s definition of “RESPONSE-ability” as the ability to choose our response (R) to a given situation.

If the MESSAGE SENT is not MESSAGE RECEIVED, the error is not ‘caused’ by the sender. It is likely caused by the automatic response assigned by the RECEIVER when interpreting the MESSAGE from the sender.  It is important to note that even if several Receivers exhibit the same automatic response, this does not validate an error in the message.  In fact most people will have the same automatic response to a given stimulus  - this is nature.  It is the ability to choose our response, however, which makes us human.

Those against this theory may argue that this is a ‘cop out’.  This means that people can say/do whatever he/she wants without regard for the thoughts/feelings of others.  This is not really the case. To demonstrate let us take a simple example of 2 people conversing where neither person has to ‘care’ about the feelings of others.