What kind of environment am I creating?

I woke up about 20 minutes ago, my mind focused on work. I spent a large majority of the day working on trying to figure out what my 'JOB' is, how my responsibilities relate to my choices and decisions, and while I feel good about the work I created, I also feel upset with myself for devoting the entire day to the activity when there are other things I could have been working on.

More important things? - I'm not sure.

Possibly I have been procrastinating - or at least part of me *thinks* I might be if I am being completely honest with myself. One thing that is abundantly clear, is that it is difficult for me to concentrate on what I am 'supposed' to prioritize, when  I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to say about my job responsibility (the other important task I 'wanted' to do)

A couple of days ago,  I happened to be listening to a Ziglar podcast, and Tom Ziglar offered this reflective question

How do I create an environment that let's others be the 'best version of themselves', the person they were intended to be.

This hit me as a powerful statement that differs greatly from asking, how can I be the best version of myself. Yes, I do want to be the 'best version of myself', but am I creating an environment around me that allows others to be the best version of themselves?

For example, I can speak and write in very 'verbose ways'. I do this with the intention of being as clear as possible in my message, it is also because of a fear that if I leave out important details my message may get mis-communicated, others may think and believe the 'wrong' thing, not the message I intended to communicate.

On the opposite side I expect others to speak to me in similar verbose ways. Short one sentence answers seem un-necessarily harsh and confusing, causing me to ask multiple back and forth questions, generating comfortableness for me, (and I assume for the other side)

But not everyone is like me; some people work at their best in shorter, less verbose communication, a sort of 'get to the point' methodology. They can be quite frustrated by long, drawn out explanations, and would prefer just a 'yes' or 'no' or one sentence explanation.

The 'best version' of myself is open, and honest, and expresses his ideas with many 'flavor's and colors, but in doing so, those who are different cannot be the best version of themselves in an overly verbose environment.

I suppose it is somewhat like the 'introvert / extrovert' analogy.  If you are an introvert can you be the best version of yourself when thrown into an environment with a bunch of extroverts?

And yet we can control our thoughts, and our choices, we can actively choose to create an environment that allows others to be the best version of themselves, but at the same time we have to face our fears of what will happen when we don't behave in the verbose ways that are comfortable to our own nature.

How do we 'meld' the 2 together so that we can simultaneously create an environment for others without compromising ourselves in the process?

In the end - like everything else, it comes down to the way we choose to see the problem

a) The less verbose person, the person who is accommodated with short sentences, the person who wants you to 'be like them'. Are they the 'mean person'? Are they 'shouting at you' that you are "not good", "not right",that you need to change to make them happy?

b) or Do you see it differently? Are they hurt by something, by some event or past situation that has nothing to do with you, but you shine a light, a bright positive light, and they need help, they want to be part of that light, but they don't know how, they only know how to show the feelings, to direct the feelings toward you, in hopes that you can 'fix it'

People in your life, come asking for you help in at least 2 ways;

1) The 'apologetic' - excuse me sir, can you help me with 'xxx'? - For me these are the easy people to help. They appear kind/considerate and appreciative of whatever help you can offer.

2) The 'mean' - I can't be happy until YOU change your attitude - These people want help too, but they don't express it as such, their anger seems directed straight at you. They are also looking for help but can only express it by showing you how they feel, not expressing it verbally.

My response to #2 is a big challenge, because it can be so overwhelming to handle, and so easy to 'lash back' out to resist the negativity to throw it away, to run away from it. To setup boundaries that prevent me from being 'sucked' in an coerced. These very same behaviors, take me away from being the best version of myself.

It can be very to accept these "types" into my life, and yet the very confidence of positive thinking attracts it, and until I learn to change my own attitude about it, I will be choosing to be stuck in a continuous cycle rather then elevating to be my highest self.

Lessons - Nov 18 2019

Let’s imagine for a minute, that life is a practice. In front of you sits a large set of paths to walk (almost infinite) and as you choose to walk along a path you will undoubtedly encounter obstacles, problems to overcome

You make think you successfully solved a problem and move past it only to discover the exact same problem just a little further down the path. Perhaps it is slightly different, but essentially it is the same problem, and yet the solution causes pain and frustration, why do I have to be ‘here’ again?

If life is a series of lessons and we must ‘learn’ from these lessons in order to move on, then does this mean when we seem to encounter the same ‘problem’ over and over there is something missing? Some lesson we have not have learned?

I can think of at least 3 definite occasions in my adult life where “*stuff*” was taken away from me. In my first job as Quality & Systems Manager, I was ‘on top of the world’, managing our companies quality system, only for new more ‘senior’ people to be hired and I ‘fell’ to the bottom of the totem pole feeling deflated, rejected, and hurting my self-confidence.

Later at CGI, I built myself up, lots of confidence in myself, was having a great time for many years, when again it all falls apart. This time it seemed existing staff needed to ‘exhort’ their more senior experience, taking a project out of my hands and ‘reworking’ it in a way that ultimately would cause the project to fail. (or at least 'fail' from my point of view)

At my current job; I can’t even seem to ‘climb’ the ladder and build myself into being ‘on top’, and yet even STILL, I feel my manager taking away design work from me that I felt I was really making good progress on.

So I essentially am encountering the same situations over and over but I fail to see how I could do anything differently, the new senior people at Mathis, the desire for others to ‘redo’ the project ‘their way’ and a managers need to “take over” do not appear to be ANYTHING in my control.

What is in my control is my response to these events, how much I let them damage and erode my belief in myself, so the lesson I can try to learn is how do I teach myself bounce back quickly after such ‘external’ setbacks?

I'm sorry mom...

When I was a kid, I would see my mom very angry. I never understood where all the anger came from. Some one or something would set her off into a tailspin. You could sit there with her at the kitchen table while she replayed a single event over and over again in her mind, each time building up more and more anger about the situation.

Others around her, including myself would try to console her, and if it did 'work' it could take hours. Even then, it was only a band-aid until the next situation would set that anger off again.

I remember telling my mom, how much energy it used to hold onto that anger all the time, how much time was being wasted playing it over and over again. It was bad enough to feel hurt / angry the one time, but to live it over and over again in your mind for days, weeks, months.

Mom would respond with "I know", but also that she couldn't 'do anything about it' it's just the way it was, just the way she felt.

One of the wisdoms we gain as we get older. Sometimes in life we are 'gifted' with the ability to hear our own mother's (or fathers) words come out of our mouth later in life. And until that very moment we never truly realize what it was like, we never could really understand.

It's true, reliving an event over and over is not healthy, or helpful, but when something really hurts you, digs down into your very soul, your mind races to try and rationalize it, to try and make yourself feel better, it does this by replaying the event, trying to figure out what 'went wrong', 'how it went wrong', trying to convince you that life is okay, that you are okay, but their is this conflict, this possibility that maybe I am wrong, maybe I am the 'bad person' maybe I really am the trouble maker, that others think I am

And the pain of it all can be so much to try and bear, and you feel trapped in a deep spiral loop falling deeper and deeper loosing your faith and hope in a better tomorrow.

And all of a sudden I hear the same words pour out of my own mouth, "I know" but "it's jut the way it is".

It must have been how my mom felt those many years ago sitting in her anger and my younger self full of self-righteousness and naivety to think it was her choice to spend so much time sitting in that anger. How hypocritical now that I should sit in my own despair and utter those same words today.

I'm sorry mom. I understand.

Stuck Awake

Lately, I have found myself waking up in the middle of the night, unable to settle back to sleep. Tonight is one of those nights.

Most often though, I am awake as negative thoughts rush through my head, worrying about the day to come, or about things I have said or done in the past.

Worrying if I am 'good enough'.  I don't usually have trouble actually falling asleep, it is just the evening wake up.

Tonight, is not one of those nights. Well yes I am awake, though, a few days ago I started to accept the thought that for some reason I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night whether I want to or not.

I have had a fair bit of luck with taking melatonin before going to bed. Oh I still wake up, but my mind is much less active and it is easy to settle myself back down and get back to sleep.  Although it is a natural substance produced by the body, I still don't want to be 'addicted' to taking it every night to sleep. So rather then lie in bed, perhaps I am "supposed" to write these blog entries, to 'get out of me' whatever is inside asking to be free.

My thoughts this evening revolve around freedom, or maybe more clearly 'expression'. "Being ourselves".  Wayne Dyer spoke of the soul as having a natural want to be infinite to not be confined by anything. When I hear this words I think of our 'wild selves'. I am reminded of the book "The Four Agreements" which talks about how society 'tames' us to its norms and standards, even shames us into how to act and behave in order to 'fit it'.

There is a constant balancing act between following our hearts and our feelings, living with freedom and expression, and the consequences about living outside the 'norms' of society. To be clear, I'm not talking about breaking laws and being a general sh!t disturber.  I am talking about discovering or own values and sharing them with others who may not take kindly to our point of view.

Like it our not, their are people in our lives, that hold the opportunities we seek to reach our dreams. A person is not an island, we need the help of others to get where we want to go (once we figure out where that is) we need to know who can help us along the way.

Those with the power to help us, may also want us to change. If we truly want something ,are we willing to make this change? Change is an inevitable part of growth, but does it mean changing our deepest core values?

I suppose its something like the recent #metoo movement though not specifically about sexual harassment, but more generally about the power that "producers" have to get what they want from us, but what part of our souls, or freedom do we sacrifice in return?. and in the end does it justify the means?

It can be easy to abuse power, and not even know you are doing it, it can be easy to slip into victim thinking. Sometimes the whole thing just seems like a game, a vicious circle of bank and forth. Our soul trying to break free of the shackles that bind us, that keep us from expressing ourselves, while at the very same time hypocritically trying to change others, to limit their freedom, so that we can feel better about ourselves.

And yet, we are all the same you and I. Different skin color, different beliefs an values, different genders and sexual orientation, but linked like the branches on a tree to a common dependence on one another for survival, a thread that binds us together against the common enemy of death, as we struggle to be infinite, and fail to realize we already are..we already have all that we need.

Perhaps now, I can sleep

Today is Sunday, Oct 27 1991 - 12:35PM

Note: The post below is a transcription of a handwritten journal entry from 28 years ago. I think in this entry I was trying to rationalize why 'crib death' occurs. It seemed so sad that a baby could die so young, and I figured this was a logical explanation at the time....


The human body is essential only on the physical plain of existence. The soul is the essence of life and is housed within the physical body. The soul enters the brain. It is an EGO for a computer. Once the soul enters the brain, which happens at birth, the soul can operate the body. Humans spend the first 2 years at most adjusting to their body. At conception until birth the body and brain develop in preparation for the soul to enter. The moment the soul enters the baby is ready to be born. No human will survive after two years without a soul. When the soul leaves the body becomes like one mass cell which breaks down because the systems of the body are no longer being used.

Without a soul the brain cannot control the body. First all emotions shut down because the soul is what 'feels' the reactions known as emotions. Without a receiver to emotions, they cease.

Next every body system that is capable of working slows down and finally stops, this is the physical death of the body.  When a baby is born without a soul this results because the soul hasn't been matched for the body within a ten month to year process. The baby is born alive with no soul the brain decides to run the body it tries 'to live'. However, the baby will die within 2 years. The brain has no one giving it stimulus so it ceases to function.

On Choosing Happiness

     Happiness by Nick Youngson CC BY-SA 3.0 Alpha Stock Images

Like many things in life, it is easier to give advice, then it is to follow-it. You can read an article like Neil Pasricha's 7 Science-Based Ways to be happy right now, and be like "Oh - I got it I see" the happiness equation is backward. I need to choose to be happy first.

..Any maybe it helps, for a while, you feel happy everything appears to be going great, and then one day out of the blue you read an email from your boss, and your face sags, or anger boils up inside you. Like a switch being flipped you go from feeling like a million bucks to feeling like you just won the 'worst employee of the year award'

So why does this happen? Zig Ziglar talk about changing our names, the idea that regardless of our present circumstances we can choose to be in the "Tate" family that is about helping others, thinking through our decisions and intentionally choosing the way we want to life our life.

It's great advice, it's IMPORTANT advice, and yet I can slip so easily into victim thinking, a poor me attitude, as easily as slipping into comfy pajamas before going to bed.

My "best me", is the me that thinks with a positive attitude that believes in my ability to share my ideas with others, that is confident, that is willing to create an environment that allows others to be the best version of themselves too.

..but doing so requires work, hard work, constant work, and it gets tiring, and slipping into anger, frustration, blaming others, blaming the world, is easy and comfortable.

Have you ever successfully encouraged someone in your life? Made a real impact, real positive change, only to come back a couple of years later only to find they have slipped back into their 'old habits' back to having the same troubles they told you about to begin with. Upset that you advice only seemed to work for the short term?

That's the problem with advice, it's easy to give but can be hard to live.

And when we fall off the bandwagon, because we are all human, we make mistakes, how do we find the strength to start over, to begin at step one all over again? Maybe we think "What's the point?" I'm just going to end up in this same dark place again anyway.

I don't have all the answers, I think this next time around, I will try to fill my life with like minded people, people who also want to intentionally live a life that matters, people like me who struggle with falling down, perhaps we can support each other to be the people we are truly meant to be, to love the people we are and to make the best of the situations we find ourselves in, and get back on the road to happiness and success...

On being a Positive person

Once in a while, I will be chatting with someone, and they will be quick to give me the compliment, "You're such a positive person Brad!"

And it's great to get compliments, and its nice to know that my behavior and attitude is positive, however, what most people fail to understand is that being positive is not a natural part of who I am.  In fact, you could say my "inner self" is rather negative, pessimistic, and even down right critical.

I think some people maybe born positive, they may wake up each day positive. Good for them!, but that is not me, from the moment of getting out of bed in the morning, my head is already trying to play games, trying to find ways to look at the world that will get me down, feelings of frustration, sometimes even hopelessness. It can feel like a battle of wits between the 'default' me and the 'intentional me'

I am positive - by INTENTION, by choice, and doing so take a lot of energy and effort. It requires talking back to the inner critical voice inside me, the one that holds me back from trying to be all that I can..and I don't always win, but with constant effort, with techniques like questioning inner voice, meditation and re-framing situations, I can work towards being the best version of myself, while at the same time accepting all of myself for who I am, what I can offer, where my faults lie, and what I can do to continuously improve. If there were some 'magic pill' that just always caused positivity, I think I'd take that...but maybe not because maybe then I wouldn't have gotten to know myself, to understand that my positive attitude is a choice and not luck.

Today is Friday Oct 18th, 1991

Note: The post below is a transcription of a handwritten journal entry from 28 years ago. Here are some of my early thoughts on the brain. I still continue to be fascinated by the brain and how it works which have inspired many of my experiments in programming artificial intelligence.


The brain is the most important tool the body has. The brain has four jobs to do;

One section of the brain deals with storing information. You can review the past, present and future. A fast about of knowledge is obtained.

The second section keeps the body in shape, it sends messages to the body for energy and to create the forces necessary for life.

The third section makes decisions. It will use the first two sections and all other data from the senses to form a conclusion and act on it.

The forth section is the 'subconscious' . The subconscious  is the reverse of the first three sections which combine everything and has enormous power

The four section combine and there are other smaller sections which control little things.  All together the brain is a complex tool which is more advanced then the latest computer. The brain, however is nothing without the soul. The soul is the combination of your emotions and your EGO. The brain can be more or less powerful but it is the soul which keeps us different from one another.

On Meditation

I firmly believe that in prayer we speak to GOD and meditation allows GOD to speak to us.  The 'inner voice' and GOD are one. The inner voice is the higher self which "decides" our future based on the decisions made in the present. It also keeps us alive in it is the 'motive' for the brain to function. The brain is like a computer and the soul or higher self utilizes it to store and retrieve information. When we are fully immersed into our higher self we can control our body and also leave our body.

Today is Tuesday, Oct 1st 1991

Note: The post below is a transcription of a handwritten journal entry from 28 years ago.
I find it interesting to note that as I decide to transcribe these to the internet, where they will likely live on forever that the day of the week (ie: Tuesday of 2019) is the same day of the week from 1991.

Here I refer to 'plains' of existence. In my later philosophizing I tend to think of these plains more as levels of conscious awareness. I don't quite understand the 'Madness is Perfection' from 28 years ago, but I believe elaborate it on it more in a later post...
----

There are a number of 'plain' of existance. When we reach a set of requirements for this physical plain then we can go to another.  The first plane is the 'physical plain' We reach another plain we are still free to visit the physical plain again but we never return until we complete the requirements. The final plain is total peace and 99% perfection with GOD who lives on the final plain.  I believe we can communicate with these plains of higher existence and when we reach the final plain we will be at total peace

[ Madness is perfection ] <> [ Perfection is madness]

Today is Monday Sept 30, 1991

Note: The post below is a transcription of a handwritten journal entry from 28 years ago.


I think life is similar to a circle, it never ends, we continue the cycle of life and when we die a decision is made whether or not to continue in the cycle or continue the same cycle on a different level of existence. Sometimes I think I am just an observer, I look at live, examine it and based conclusions based on data being learned.

Authentic Me (Sept 25, 2019)

Today is Sept 25, 2018

It takes work to apply EROS, to listen to others, to try and understand others.

But this doesn’t appear to be work for everyone

Some appear to come by it easily, either without thinking but simply re-acting automatically

For me, I have to ‘hold’ my automatic reaction and replace it with a CHOICE.

If I am the programmer – then I make the CHOICES, but making the CHOICES requires a lot of EFFORT on my part,

So who is the real me? - Is it the me making conscious choices of how I want to live my life, or is somehow the automatic / negative me the ‘real’ me and the person making the conscious choices some ‘fake version of me’

One thing I am confident in – The parts of my personality that are funny, that are helpful, that CARE, these parts ARE THE REAL ME. When I write code or have a conversation with others, I ‘put’ stuff in their that is uniquely me, sort of my ‘personality signature’ and I know they are me because they feel natural, unscripted and in line with my heart.

The ‘problem’ is that in order for people to see the “real” me, I have to make conscious choices about how I re-act to others, and within each choice I have the opportunity to add the spices that are uniquely authentic me.

The person who looks at things negatively, the person who believes myself ‘better’ then someone else. Neither of these are truly me, but they are what may come off to others when I am not making conscious choices.

Also when I am choosing my life not only am I more effective at showing the real me, I am also more effective at gaining, reaching, becoming closer to my goals.

The work is tiring, and will likely always be tiring, choosing the live the life I want to live, is hard work.

And success requires hard work.

At the end of the day, when I view others as successful, I judge them (or admire them) by their seemingly automatic traits which get them things, but that doesn’t mean they see themselves as successful, or even see their traits as ‘automatic’ it’s just a perception I have.

When we change the way we look at things – the things we look at change!

Individual Quality - The EROS Equation

“E + R = OS”. (Event + Response = Outcome and Solutions) (i.e.: The EROS Equation).  The EROS equation is often used in the theory of interpersonal relationships.  The equation is applicable to negative outcomes of emotions such as frustration and anger (or lack of happiness).

Listen to the audio here: 
I am unsure as to who originally developed the EROS equation to give appropriate credit, so any comments on this would be helpful and can be submitted via the form at the end of this article.

EROS argues against the belief that ‘Events’ cause us to ‘React’ and that the reason for our ‘Reaction’ was ‘because of the ‘Event’.  While this cause-effect relationship is the cornerstone of all Science/Math. It does not apply to interpersonal relationships and communication.

“E + R = OS” tells us that Outcomes and Solutions are a 2 part process combining both the Event (E) and our response to the event (R). The equation suggests that our control as humans relies ONLY in our ability to choose our Responses (R). Events happened (Past), Outcomes will happen (future), but it is our Response (Present) to the event that we control.

I believe this is illustrated in the story given by Stephen Covey in his book ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ when he talks about the concept of a ‘paradigm shift’.  Covey describes an experience he has when commuting on a bus.  A father and some kids get on the bus. The kids are making quite a bit of noise and the father is doing nothing about it. (E)  Covey believes that the father should have more control over his kids (R) Others on the bus appear frustrated and annoyed by the noise (OS). Covey decides to ask the father if he can quiet his kids down. The man tells Covey that their mother just died and that the man hasn’t yet figured out how to tell the kids. Covey then makes his ‘paradigm’ shift. He then tries to comfort the father and help out the situation.  Covey essentially changed his ‘R’.  The event stayed the same (i.e.: The kids were noisy).  The outcome was still the same (The mother is dead / others on the bus are still frustrated by the noise).  But Covey changed himself his ‘R’ which was his focus of control in the situation. Further, we can see this embedded in Covey’s definition of “RESPONSE-ability” as the ability to choose our response (R) to a given situation.

If the MESSAGE SENT is not MESSAGE RECEIVED, the error is not ‘caused’ by the sender. It is likely caused by the automatic response assigned by the RECEIVER when interpreting the MESSAGE from the sender.  It is important to note that even if several Receivers exhibit the same automatic response, this does not validate an error in the message.  In fact most people will have the same automatic response to a given stimulus  - this is nature.  It is the ability to choose our response, however, which makes us human.

Those against this theory may argue that this is a ‘cop out’.  This means that people can say/do whatever he/she wants without regard for the thoughts/feelings of others.  This is not really the case. To demonstrate let us take a simple example of 2 people conversing where neither person has to ‘care’ about the feelings of others.

Lessons - Sept 15 2019

Do I 'Inject' my opinions into others?

This was suggested to me recently in my work life. That I 'inject' my opinions into others even when others don't want to hear it.

I don't see myself that way, but perhaps, their is some truth to it.  I can at least admit that I may have a tendency to 'prescribe' BEFORE diagnosing

There are 2 sides to every coin. Life contains multiple points of view, and their is not always a clear "one person is right" and the other is wrong. Though I fantasize sometimes that life could me more like that, like it is on TV.

Specifically, this seems to occur when I can more easily relate to one side of an issue then the other. When for example two people appear to be arguing, or when one person is complaining about another person. It is often easier for me to empathize with the person being complained about.

I have a strong belief that we get to choose our responses, that ultimately it is in that ultimate choice of free will that we can choose to live a life that matters. That all our pain, our suffering, and our anger come not from those around us, not from those that "hurt" us, but from how we choose to RESPOND to those events.

Now just because I believe it, doesn't mean I always 'follow it', but worse still, when others are having difficulties I may jump right in with "Well, the solution is EROS - of course!" Just change your responses.

The problem is this may work really well for some people. It will probably work for most people IF AND ONLY IF they first feel listened to, feel heard. That his/her feelings have been validated as real and meaningful.

Worse still jumping in time and time again repeating myself over and over like EROS is some kind of panacea disrespects the feelings of the person having the difficulty, and waters down the meaning of the message so bad, that it may as well be a joke.

Perhaps when this happens, the best response is to STOP using WORDS and switch to ACTIONS. ACTIONS of kindness, caring, compassion and service. ACTIONS which allow healing, and to set the expectation that this repair, the repair of relationships with ACTIONS make take a lot of hard work and a long time, and cannot be solved in 42 minutes like a dramatic TV show.

Feelings / Emotions / Beating myself up

Often I find that I feel bad about myself, I criticize myself, I replay words, phrases over and over in my mind until they make me want to scream or cry in frustration.

This morning, after countless years,  I believe I understood what is going on.

I am trying to get myself to cry, to feel the emotion, and it as a BAD habit, the most effective way I have found to ‘feel’ negative emotions is to beat myself up for it, to reply a single event over and over until I make myself cry.

The method works flawlessly -  but has the fatal flaw in my self-esteem and confidence.

Someone says something and walks away, and I “feel” hurt, but I don't ‘feel’ it enough to my emotional satisfaction, so I replay it, I try to force myself to be upset because I want to ‘get over it’.

And it triggers more stronger feelings, deeper feelings, that need to come out.

I hurt myself not by cutting or physical self-harm, but instead my emotional self-harm.

I think to myself  ‘everyone hates me’ not because I belief that reallly everyone hates me, but because the feeling hurts me, makes me sad, makes me cry

And I feel better after the cry, because I needed the cry, the relief that comes afterward.

Needing to cry, and crying are okay, crying is not the problem, it is the way I am hurting myself, in order to get to the cry.

I need to find a better way to truly cry, be angry, to ‘feel’ the emotion, without damaging my own self-esteem and belief in myself.

Emotions demand to be felt. If you don’t consciously allow the feeling, they will find a way to make themselves known.

This is why people can sometimes feel like ‘stepping’ on eggshells. I may over-react to a small thing because it’s not a ‘small thing’ but because of the build up, so much pain that is inside that needs out, I keep telling myself “it’s okay” when it’s not, redirecting my energy (which is good), but all of the negative emotion does not ‘get out’

The truth is, I am np different then a lot of people who do this, I can see other people do it, I can try to rationalize it to them, or perhaps even try to be compassionate towards it but I fail, not because I suck but because I don’t give that same compassion to myself, so how can I possibly give it in a meaningful way to others?

Way Back Then...

The way I remember it...

It was the fall of 1993, I had just started Grade 11, near the far end of the hallway of my highschool were 2 classes. 'Typing' and 'Computer Related Studies'.  It was the first year I would actually have 'computers' as a course in school, which I was pretty excited for. I only had an old Vic 20 at the time, but was hoping for a new IBM Clone 80386 for Christmas (I got my wish, it was from the Sears catalog and at the time was like close to $2000)

Read More...  https://blog.geekwisdom.org/2019/05/way-back-thenapple.html

Weekly Planning Roles & Goals

I have recently started weekly planning my roles & goals, as per suggestions from Steven Covey's 7Habits of Highly Effective People.

If you would like to try out my template you can find it here.

https://geekwisdom.org/tools/Weekly_Planning_Roles_And_Goals.dot

Pushing Buttons

Some people can really push my buttons !

Perhaps it’s someone whose opinions I really care about, that really matter to me. It seems that those who I don't give much of a thought to, do not seem to push any of my buttons

But they say ‘something’ which drives a deep anger / pissed off attitude, taking me from ‘blissed to pissed’

Perhaps, these people can be my greatest teachers??

YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT THAT

Respond to hate with love, caring and compassion.

When I AM NOT doing this, when  I AM plugged into the material, when I AM SO SURE I AM RIGHT and the other person is WRONG, I leave myself no room for healing.

When someone successfully pushes my buttons, it is not about them, it is about me, it is a reminder that I am connected not to my higher self but instead to the material.

The second important corollary, is this person who has just had his/her buttons pushed who is feeling pissed, is NOT connected to his/her source either, and just because I can recognize it, doesn’t mean that trying to help them is the way to go, specifically ..when they don’t WANT to be helped

Sharing at work...oversharing..when is it approperiate?

If you’re going through a period of stress in your personal life, should you bring it up at work? At what point should you tell your supervisor about a personal issue that might be affecting your job performance? Are there situations in which sharing details about your personal life at work might be seen as a bad idea?

Read More... https://lifehacker.com/when-to-share-personal-issues-at-work-1837981934

Manifesting your desires - Meditation

Inside my head are whirl of thoughts, or possibly more specifically, “thought-lets”

Small senses I receive either from my environment or from somebody, or somewhere.

They maybe based on a feeling, or they may drive into a feeling.

When I focus on the “thought-let” a fully formed thought is created.

Increased thinking of the thought forms a belief.

The belief affects how I go out into and interpret the world around me, re-enforcing that belief as “true” and “correct”

I then make the ASSUMPTION that those around me share in that belief, when they do I am VALIDATED. When they don’t I am upset and angry.

If GOD’S greatest gift to mankind is the concept of FREE WILL. If I can truly choose which of these ‘thought-lets’ I CHOOSE to focus on and wish I do not. I can choose to focus on those THOUGHT-LETS that are most likely to bring me the things I desire, and NOT simply the things I can’t stand, don’t want or HATE.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear...these words came into my life just prior to meeting the woman who is know my wife, gaining the life I wanted and being happy and fulfilled.

But when I feel I reached my ‘goal’ and I ask..where do I go from here? I get stuck

Where your ATTENTION GOES, ENERGY FLOWS, AND RESULTS SHOW.

If I focus my attention on what I don’t want, on what frustrates me.

If I focus my attention on what others are  “doing to me”, then all I can see, all of the ENERGY that exists is within that attention. Whether or not the person is “doing these things” in objective experience is irrelevant

Let us suppose it is my deepest desire to have a strong connection with my manager/supervisor. One where I can share my thoughts and feelings safely, one where empathy is abundant, one where we work together to solve problems.

But instead I focus on what does not work, how frustrated I feel, how no matter what I try nothing works, how I then conclude, it must NOT be me, it must be the ‘OTHER’, the ‘OTHER’ that is stopping me from gaining what I want.

My focus is no longer on attracting what I WANT, it is about thinking about what I don’t want, which forms beliefs and attitudes which flow entergy into what I don’t want therefore there is MORE OF IT to see, more to VALIDATE.

I could be 100% right, the entire ‘fault’ could be 'the others' persons inability to feel empathy, to move to the ‘spiritual’ enlightenment, but being “RIGHT” in this way does not provide me any happiness, only more validation of my ‘RIGHTNESS’

Setting GOALS is important for many reasons, but perhaps the MOST important is that requires a change of focus from what you DON’T WANT to MANIFEST into what you actually see manifesting.

If the ONLY thing I can control, is my thought’s, specifically WHICH of those THOUGHT-LETS I choose to focus my attention on

So How does Brad be the best Brad he can be?

Some people respond well to philosophical questioning… the examined life

Others may respond better to what they see

When others I care about are troubled, or seem troubled, giving them ‘advice’, or speaking in ways that allow them to ‘question’ maybe very uncomfortable for them, they feel ‘questioned’ and withdrawn

Hmm.. What about the idea of simply expressing my belief as a fact WITHOUT introducing questioning to their beliefs

What about hearing when they express their belief as a fact to ME, instead of focusing on the ‘anger’ of it all “HOW DARE YOU STATE YOUR OPINION AS A FACT”.

What if I simply stated my belief back, not in an angry, antagonizing or contemptuous way. Not in a way that tells them I understand..and then fill in my understanding, but simply as a positive belief about life.

Perhaps even better, is a belief in THEM, my belief in THEM.

Even if the whole ‘manifestng’ thing were complete bullshit. Which attitude is more likely to bring me closer to my desires? -  the one that is focused on the ‘wrongness’ of others and I must ‘help’ and ‘fix’ them. Or the one that is focused on the belief that we are all one, all part of the same whole, and that we provide caring and service, and kindness to those, and thus to ourselves.

Maybe this is what my Dad meant when he spoke of doing things for others being more important. Maybe is is not about doing things at the EXPENSE of ourselves, but at the level of recogition that giving CARING, AND KINDNESS breeds CARING AND KINDNESS back into our lives.

If I want EMPATHY, LOVE, SERVICE flowing into MY LIFE. I can’t possibly get their squeezing out contempt, ‘fix yourself attitude’

And those that send that contempt my way, that ‘fix yourself’ my way. I can CHOOSE to send caring and compassion back.

They cannot hear my words telling them to think differently to manifest their own happiness if as a student they are not yet ready. I cannot teach, but that is okay, I can still set my positive example out onto the world, spreading love and kindness in response.